2012 was a pretty rough year for me, to say the least, and it can be briefly noted as this: Sudden acute liver failure. Sixteen days admitted at Greenville Memorial (South Carolina). Unexpectedly, moving back home with my extended family in Connecticut. Fifty-two days admitted at Yale Medical. A last-minute liver transplant. Seizures. Lost pulse. Two risky, very crucial, life-saving brain surgeries within 3 weeks of a liver transplant. Loss of right peripheral vision in both my right and left eye. Restriction from operating a motor vehicle indefinitely. Disabled on social security and medicaid….There’s pretty much no other way to sum it other than being the most crazy, effed up year of my life.
Although I feel like I have for the most part fully recovered, and I try to be as “normal” as you and anybody else, I still have some work ahead of me. I have been making a very swift recovery physically which you may or may not have tracked via Facebook, but I have had many set-backs mentally which you may be unaware of.
I have not been easily able to grasp all of the sudden and drastic changes that comes with a transplant and how by having a transplant, my life has been forever changed. I am still fighting a daily battle trying to come to terms with what happened and how another person’s life was taken away from them, and their organ is the only thing keeping me alive. I have a life, and they do not. Their family suffers and grieves, and mine is happy and celebratory. Sometimes it doesn’t seem right. I am still having a very difficult time coming to terms with everything that has happened as it happened so suddenly and so drastically. Those who were not there to actually see what I went through, to experience my pain, to endure my struggle, to personally encounter my fight, then why should I expect you to understand at all?
Like I already said, it is very difficult for me, I do not expect it to be easy for you. We live in a greedy world, and sometimes I feel that living inside me, my donated liver, was the greatest act of selflessness that a person can do. It has touched my heart and my root of being so deeply, that I will forever and ever, feel indebted to fulfill this life with great meaning in respect and honor to my donor and his/her family and friends.
With time, and patience, mark my words, I plan on being fully recovered within one-year from now, as I insist on doing everything necessary in-order to do so. I will put 125% of my mind, my body, and my soul in order to get there. With that being said, anything or anybody that will not be a positive and motivating addition to my efforts to succeed in my personal journey to live a long, happy, and healthy life, will most likely no longer be a part of my life. I have long been willing to put others before me, and in return I have been compensated with appreciation and sincere acts of generosity by many, but also mental scars by others. That unfortunately is life, and now it is time to move forward and create a positive and appreciated path before me. On the upside I have learned many valuable lessons from my recent experiences and relationships with friends and family, and for this new year and this new life, I have very high expectations to turn my very fortunate “new beginning” into something meaningful and commendable.
I plan on still being generous and kind, and without-a-doubt the biggest goofball you may come to know, finding great humor in the silliest of things. On the other hand, I now lack the strength and desire to haul along other’s senseless and heavy-burdens with me, and it is my goal to no longer allot any of my time to such obstructions. These next few years are my years to triumph. I would love for all of my closest friends and family to be along-side me in support of my journey to thrive as an admirable person and not only make a difference in my life, and possibly even yours in the years ahead. Relationships should help you, not hurt you, so in order to do that you need to surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Your friends and family should consist of people you are proud to know, whom you admire, and show equal love and respect back to you. I do realize this will not be the case for all, as some people come-and-go, which will be a challenge I will have to face as well. I would love nothing more than to see you standing not behind me, but right next me in my journey to conquer 2013 and the following years after.
“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about those who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.” ~Harvey MacKay
These are two short videos of some pictures of my medical experience and shortly after discharge at Yale Medical in New Haven, Connecticut. (Late April-June 2012).